did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
