Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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