The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
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