you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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