Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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