When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
