I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize