We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
