thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
