I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Damn victory sex feels great
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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