She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
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