i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
