So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
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so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
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Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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