I molested 6 butterflies tonight
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
