Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
