I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
