so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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