So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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