It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
