I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
wakey wakey hands off snakey
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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