she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
