last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Randomize
