I'm jealous of your bromance
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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