i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
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