maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
