Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
