I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
