I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
My pussy is not your playground.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
