there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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