I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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