she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
do herpes really smell.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
