its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
