Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
