why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
