in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
