Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Randomize
