Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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