his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
