There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
