like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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