you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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