How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
