why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
