somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
