I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
