I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
