porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
