Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
