names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
