I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
