remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
