fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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