so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize