just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
