good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
