I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
