She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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