Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
